ToddlerTrail.com

One of our regular play dates is at a local church.  I always look forward to it.  There’s coffee for the mothers, a snack and craft for the kids, and ride on toys to race around the smooth tile floor of the basement.  I was doing childcare with the kids while the mothers discussed some things that needed to be ironed out.  I love watching all the kids.  I have two favorite things to do w/them.  The first is read to them. Those little faces all upturned, and their expressions slack-jawed with interest and absorption.  The second is to feed them.  I love all those greedy little hands raised up for more snacks.  My favorite is always the little kid who sits at the table the longest:  eating, eating, and eating.

While there, Buttercup ran up to a group of older boys who were playing tag.  She shouted out full throttle, “Let’s play hide and go seek!”  She loves to play hide and go seek.  How many hours have we spent with me walking around in circles calling her name while she prominently hides underneath a blanket in the middle of the room? 

The little boys did not want to play hide and go seek.  There was a ring leader to the group, and he yelled out, “We don’t want to play with you!”  Oh, my heart in my chest stopped, and I swiftly turned to look at her face.  How would she handle it?  I was expecting a stormy tearful event, but she just looked so quiet and still.

During the few seconds it took for me to feel my heart slowly start beating again, an adorable little girl that Buttercup is friends with stepped in and took her hand.  “Come on, let’s go!”  She and Buttercup ran away from those boys to go play together.  I could have kissed that little girl.  The sweetness, the happiness was back in Buttercup’s face, and it was her and her friend against the boys.  How often have my girlfriends brought me through tough challenges?  Well, Buttercup’s buddy is my new personal heroine.  I told my husband the story, and he said that the next time he saw Buttercup’s friend, he was going to give her chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate :)   Luckily for me, Buttercup and her friend are going to the same preschool in the fall.  Joy of joys.  I feel better knowing that she’ll have a friend on her side.

One of my friends just had a new baby, and she also has a 20 month old toddler.  We were on a big play date yesterday, and it was pretty clear that this is not an easy thing to pull off gracefully.  She had absolutely no hands free when she was trying to get the children back into the car.  In one of her hands was the handle for the newborn’s car seat, and in the other hand, she was hanging onto the toddler tightly.  She had the diaper bag over her shoulder and a sippy cup that she’d almost forgotten tucked under her arm.  I helped her the best I could, hanging onto Buttercup’s hand, and of course she did fine.  All the same, she had that panicked look that most sleepless new mothers have.

During the play date, she admitted, “I have to do my first Wal-Mart trip today.”  Everyone had something to say about that:  going to Wal-Mart with the kids is a nightmare acknowledged by all.  Personally, I let my husband go to Wal-Mart, and I only go to grocery stores with Buttercup.  I cannot do the panicked frenzy of people and carts and screaming toddler that Wal-Mart generally offers.  I cannot imagine how the mom in question is going to do it, but I am sure she’ll pull it off somehow.  In retrospect, I really should have offered to go with her.  How on earth will she unload the groceries by herself with the toddler and newborn in play?  There have to be more mommy-teams to get things like that done during the day.  I don’t think you can ever have enough hands as a mother.

At last, we had a truly gorgeous snow.  The entire world was frosted with it.

The day was so strange.  That morning, we went to the park with some friends and stayed for four hours.  It was almost 60 degrees.  We had a picnic, played on the swings and slides, fed the ducks, and took a walk collecting our beloved pine cones.  (I currently have more pine cones than I know what to do with…)

By the time we came home, it was so warm and fresh outside, I threw open the windows and doors to air out the house.  This is one of the things I hate the most about the heat of summer and the coldest months of winter - the house is always so closed up.  I can’t stand it.  So, I jumped at this chance to welcome the outdoors inside.  The dramatic change in weather only took a few minutes.  I could see it coming - the clouds looked serious.  All of the sudden, there was this incredibly frigid wind, and the temperature dropped like a rock.  It was almost apocalyptic.

After bath time, the snow was coming down in great white sheets.  I bundled her up, and we stood on the balcony in it.  It was lovely.

The next day, we went on a play date down the road, and there was a snowball fight, lots of rolling around in the snow, and general winter fun.  She was furious when I finally had to drag her inside - kicking, screaming, and soaked, I might add.  The terrible twos are definitely kicking it up a notch.

I can’t imagine childhood without snow.  I know lots of people do it and love it, but I can’t imagine not having sled rides, snow ball fights, and all the fun of being a kid in the snow.

I suppose one of the greatest gifts of being a mother is the opportunity to show the world to your children and make it beautiful:  the snow, the flowers, the trees, the sky, books, and foods - all these miraculous things.  A snow day with a little toddler just makes that task so easy :)

We had a success at Play and Learn, and I wasn’t there for it.  To preface all this, we’ve had problems with Buttercup wanting to hug and kiss and generally maul any available child with physical affection.  She’s enormously demonstrative and loves to hold hands.  The kids at Play and Learn haven’t been into it lately.

Daddy took her the other day so I could work while they were out and about.  I was kind of concerned about this because he usually doesn’t take her to things like that without me.  Well, apparently, it was a total success.  I swear she behaves better for him.  I really think she adores him and wants to impress him.  With me, I think she feels comfortable enough to act up and raise baby hell. 

She shared, she held hands nicely, and she listened to him perfectly.  Despite my delight that it went so well, I’m kind of peeved that it was so magically easy for him :)  Is that wrong?  Maybe, but all the same - is there something to the expression, “Daddy’s girl?”  Do little girls just adore their fathers so much that they behave better for them?

Lately, we’ve been going on some pretty large play dates.  Large play dates are fun, but they’re always chaotic, and I don’t think Buttercup has been responding well to them.  Just two weeks ago, she was thriving in the large play date environment.  Suddenly, she’s just not happy in them.  She becomes protective of what she’s playing with and really doesn’t want to share.  We’ve talked about this, and she knows that if she doesn’t share a communal toy, she can’t have it.  It’s a tough one to deal with really, because she’s in a group with a lot of two and three year olds.  No one wants to share.  So, while I’m asking her to share something, she’s looking over her shoulder at the child who just took the baby doll from her.  Then, she looks at me, like what, are you kidding me?  When she shares, the other child takes the toy and won’t give it back.  It’s a challenging situation, and I have to find the balance.

I’ve found that when she’s in a play date with one or two children - we have so much more success, because it’s generally a calmer and more controlled scene.  When you get upwards of six two/three year olds, it can get so ugly fast.  They’re all almost in a frenzy of ownership, afraid that another child will get to a toy before them, take a toy away from them, or they just won’t have a chance to play with one of the common favorites.

There’s a boy in particular who is always at these play dates.  He’s really a very sweet little boy until he isn’t.  It’s like a total flip of the coin in a second.  Anyway, the last play date we were at, he hit her twice in the head with a toy before I could remove her from the situation.  Basically, I think the problem was that all the kids were jigged up, in a large group, and out of control.  She didn’t want to play with his cars with him, and he took his truck and hit her twice with it.  I suppose this is all part of the process of “socializing” children, but we’re going to drop it down to one-on-one play dates for a while.  When we’ve done this, the same children are so much more loving and kind with one another.  It’s not a whirl of keyed up kids, it becomes a nice friendly afternoon.  I feel pretty confident about this - it’ll be a better arena for her to learn, share, and socialize.  We’ll still do large play dates once in a while, but we’re going to switch the focus from large groups to one-on-one play.

The mine issue appears to be like the tides - ebb and flow.  We make enormous strides, and then suddenly, we’re right back where we started.  The mine situation appears most often with other toys and children.  So, usually, I’m standing guard for this.  A brief tug of war ensues, and someone comes out victorious, usually the other child, because I don’t let her win unless she had the toy first or some legitimate claim over it.

However, we were at a birthday party yesterday, and another little girl was sitting on my lap.  I was quite surprised at Buttercup’s reaction.  It was really very primal.  “NO!  MY MOMMY!”  Oh dear God, I put the little girl down and had a talk with her about it.  She calmed down, but for a minute, it could have gone either way.

On another play date, she did really well, and I was so proud of her.  She had the other little girl’s baby doll, and the other little girl was getting upset.  She walked over, handed it to her, and said, “Don’t be upset.  Here you go,” in that singsong voice.  I was so happy I could have cried.  EMPATHY!  What a concept!

It really is like walking around with the underlying and uncontrolled part of yourself:  like if you took out all your needs, desires, and unrestrained emotion and put them out on the table, you’d have a two-year old.  “I want, mine, no, but I love it!” 

The “But, I Love It” part is the hardest.  I have goals when I go into a toy store - the main of which is simply to get out of the toy store without buying something.  It’s a straightforward goal, really, but it’s rarely achieved.  The reason this became so hard is she started clinging to the toy in question, looking up at me with those ridiculously big blue eyes and saying, “But, I love it, Mommy!”  You know, that phrase just triggers some flood of maternal emotion, and I think she knows it.  She’s a smarty pants, and she knows which buttons to push.

I always balance these situations against the concept that her emotions are very pure and uninhibited right now:  so, it’s not like she’s doing something because she wants to cause a problem - she’s just learning how to express herself.  I think the biggest thing is to work on is empathy, just understanding that other people having feelings, too.  My mom says, “They only get to be queen of the universe for such a short time.”  It’s true, and I want to find the balance of respecting and being sympathetic to her emotions while teaching her how to share, be polite, and accept that a lot of the world is communal.  It’s challenging - but I guess that’s why this is called the terrible twos.

The biggest thing I love about being with Buttercup is the teaching.  Every day is a lesson on life, the world, and learning.  It’s my job to make it all exciting, interesting, and help her learn how to be a “big girl.”  It’s a challenging time of life, but I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

I think the most complicated factor with staying home with her has been making sure that she’s getting all of the social time she needs.  Or at least it was.  Thanks to the mother’s group crafts, field trips, and meetings, story-time at the library, a class she’s taking, and all the play dates we have been going on, I think she’s getting more than her fair share of social interaction. 

We might start her in a music class later in the winter, and there’s always ballet.  I love being able to do this huge variety of classes with her:  she’s always thrilled and showing off for me.  Everyday, it’s someplace different and new for her to raise baby hell.

She’s also thriving in her alone time, where she plays peacefully in her room during quiet time and before bedtime.  I’m proud of her for that, being able to chill out and do her own thing.  She’s never been super clingy with me.

We’re still looking for a preschool that we can afford and that we like.  It’s a difficult balance.  We’re on a variety of lists for the “good” places.  We’ll see how it goes.  For now, I’m just going to keep on with our routine.  She’s happy, and I’m happy.  What else could matter?

The park was so much fun today, in a completely wild kind of way.  We met up with some friends and much to my dismay; Buttercup immediately found a huge puddle at the top of a slide and sat down in it.  I was amazed.  She was pretty wet, and I was disappointed because we were looking to spend the afternoon there.  However, it was a warm fall day.  The sun was shining, leaves were falling, and there was a soft breeze.  I tried to get her to the car, and she insisted, “Mommy, stay here!”  Oh, boy.  So, I conferenced with the other mom about it, and she said, “If she’s happy, why not?”  I thought about it, and why not?  It was unseasonably warm, it’s not like it was cold.  So, she dried off quickly after a roll in a pile of leaves nearby, and she was totally content.  We had a gorgeous day at the park playing with friends:  no harm, no foul.

The reason the situation even came up is we cleaned out the car.  I usually keep a stash of clothes in there for whatever messy situation arises.  The clothes that had been in there were a touch too small and more summer oriented.  I had meant to replace them, but it slipped my mind.  Despite all that, we still had an amazing day.  This city, in the fall, is a heaven.  Rather than dragging la Buttercup out of there kicking and screaming, we played and enjoyed the afternoon.  It was well-worth it.

While were there, the children romping in the piles of leaves nearby just looked so beautiful.  It was a freaking Normal Rockwell painting, and I could have cried, really.  One little boy lost his shoe in the pile of leaves, and there was a brief excavation to find it.  The beautiful chaos of children always leads to so much fun.  Searching for that shoe became a treasure hunt for the kids.  I watched them, and it just made me so content.  Life is good.

After that, we went to the duck pond to feed the ducks, and I had a two-dollar roll of nickels that Daddy had picked up at a bank to feed the machine to pay for the duck food.  Well, those ducks ate like kings and queens.  Buttercup had a blast, and so did the little ones we were with.  I think the mom and I might be kindred spirits.  The family lives nearby, so I’m excited to have a mommy-friend just a short walk away.

The mother’s group had their fall festival.  It was wonderful.  My in-laws are here for Columbus Day Weekend, and it was just so nice to have them there with us.  Grandparents are the most blessed thing when you need another pair of hands to help.

Buttercup made an adorable pumpkin; there was food, sweet tea, good company, lots of children, and just general baby-havoc.  There’s a certain baby there that makes me want to have another child so much:  she’s just sweetness and adorable rolls of beauty.  It’s amazing sometimes, how these little ones impress me with their creativity and sense of order in the world.

I think I’m doing okay in the mother’s group.  It’s challenging at times to see what exactly all these women/mothers are doing in one place without scratching each other’s eyes out, but they’re doing okay.  I really like them still.  There’s no catty baloney, and I’m impressed.  Maybe children truly do raise us to a higher level.  Even if that’s not totally completely true, I’m still going to believe it.

On another note, I got locked in the house the fall festival was held at.  Oh my dear God, it was awful for a moment.  There was a child-proof doorknob cover on the door, and my weak hands couldn’t squeeze it hard enough to get the door to open.  Oh my God, thank goodness Daddy-of-the-Year and Grandpa-of-the-Year were on patrol; they saved me and let me out.  I am such a mess!

We went on a rather exciting play date this morning.  There were tons of children there of all ages.  They were causing havoc in a wonderful “wheeeeeeeeee!” kind of way.

The house the play date was at had a truly huge play castle for the kids.  It was on playground-equipment scale.  Two towers, two slides, two rock walls, ladder, steps, three swings:  the kids had a blast.  I was watching the kids on the second story of the castle for a while.  There was a 13 month old up there, a 16 month old, and three kids over two.  Oh, dear Jesus.  There were too many openings, and I was fielding them all, trying to decide which child had the highest risk of falling to pick that one to chase back towards the center.  It turned into a game of, “You can’t catch me!”  I won’t be having five kids anytime soon, and needless to say, I was having a stroke.

One of the mothers moseyed on over and she said to me, “You look so relaxed, I don’t know how you do it.”  I turned around to gauge whether she was being sarcastic or not, but she was sincere.  It knocked me over, because, I realized I was having a great time.  Even while chasing those little wild cats all over the place, I was having the time of my life.  The sun was shining, the breeze was up, and all these little ones were hanging onto me, holding out fat little arms to be caught.  Life doesn’t get much better than that for me.

Buttercup was an absolute darling, too.  She played nicely, was so achingly gentle with the babies, and she even helped me clean up the toys before we went outside to play.  She’s becoming such a mature little lady.  It breaks my heart.

We had a play date in the park today with a couple of the other parents from the mother’s group.  It was really nice.  Buttercup made some new friends.  There was a particularly sweet little boy who was very good about sharing and holding hands, and then a wee little girl, about 14 months old, who Buttercup continually tried to help around the playground.  She did very well today - she didn’t say “mine!” once.

The park here is huge, divided up into a variety of different areas.  There’s an adorable duck pond that Buttercup loves to go to.  She chucks food at those ducks like crazy, but even more than the ducks, she likes the fish.

We’re also going to start doing story time at the library.  We’d been to a couple of other places locally that have story time, but I’m really interested to see what the library has to offer.  She loves books so much, and I want to do everything I can to encourage her to explore the world of books.

The mother’s group folks are so far, so good.  I’m still impressed with how organized they are and efficiently the group is run.  We’re getting ready to do a meal train for a family whose father has been diagnosed with leukemia, and it’s just, I’m really amazed, but it seems like they’re good women without an agenda other than helping people and getting the kids together.  There was also some talk of a MNO (mothers-night-out) and that sounds so good to me right now ;)  Daddy and I get to go out about three times a year sans Buttercup.  This would be a big deal for me.  I’d put Buttercup to bed and ditch Daddy with the baby monitor!  Woohoo!

I went to Mommy Club today.  They met at a local vineyard, which was stunning.  I guess it’s been a while since I’ve been to a vineyard, because it was so gorgeous:  all those neat rows of big grape vines and the dusty purple and green grapes.  It was a pretty day too, cool and cloudy. 

We all picked tons of grapes, and Buttercup was enthralled.  She tugged on the bunches of grapes, pulling individual grapes off and tossing them in the basket.  She stomped a couple of bunches too, which was cute, the bottom of her shoes are a disaster ;)  They taste like the grapes my grandma used to have in her backyard:  so strange, sweet, and slippery.  The peel comes right off.  They had seeds, which was interesting with Buttercup.  Our favorite were the Concord Grapes, they were the sweetest.

The whole backdrop of the place was totally picturesque.  There was an old farm house with kittens, which Buttercup chased all over the place.  Tall outbuildings with big old chimneys:  I love the farmhouse scene.  I always feel at home there.

It must be an amazing thing to own a vineyard.  These folks sell their grapes locally and outsource them to wineries:  such a beautiful way to live.  I’m already fantasizing about buying my own vineyard, even though I have no idea how much work it must be.  It’s a pretty dream, all the same.  Maybe I’ll plant a couple vines in the backyard next year.

The social dynamic with the other moms went well.  They seem nice.  I think I might join the club.  We’ll see.  It’s good to have a mommy-network on tap.  This might do it.

We had such a good play date today.  We took an enormous walk with the kids, or what seemed like an enormous walk to me ;)  Little bit sit in front of the computer all night over here.  Play Date Mom says she walks 2.6 miles a day.  I nearly fell down just trying to keep up with her.  Luckily, I sucked it up and did not collapse on the street, which seemed possible at times.  It was wonderful in a push your body and remember strength kind of way.  We hauled the strollers up endless hills, up and down we went.  On our way back, we took the kids to a toy store, which was a blast.  She and I sat behind the train set and chatted while the kids had a big time.

On the way out of my house, there was this gorgeous barely-there rain falling.  It was as fine as a mist, like permeable liquid lace.  It felt good, cool and simple and right.  The sky was heavy but the clouds moved so fast, I knew that it couldn’t rain for that long, so we went anyway, on our tour de town.  And it worked out.  The kids loved the mist, raising their little hands up high and waving them around saying, “Rain, rain, rain.”  It’s those small moments that make life feel so effortless, watching little Buttercup with her face turned up to feel the rain :)

Our latest play date at the mall was a total amazing success. It was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time for a couple of reasons.

The biggest one is having another mother with me that I can trust who has a toddler too. It’s like you have a team. So, if we’re dragging the kids kicking and screaming out of the toy store, we’re together on it. Both of us are highly skilled at the art of toddler distraction. Play Date Mom’s husband was there too, and he was nice. They are NORMAL PEOPLE. How often do you find that?

Play Date Dad came in real handy. Both of the kids were playing with a huge extravagant train set the store had set up on the floor. Well, two toddlers with a train set…I think they broke it :) Oh, how the sales girl was giving us looks. But, I was with the mommy-team, and I didn’t care. While we dragged the kids out of the store, the Play Date Dad fixed the train set. It just worked. It was an amazing feeling.

Buttercup and her buddy are the sweetest thing in the world together. Last night, she curled up w/one of her stuffed animals and pointed at it and said the little boy’s name. I said, “Is that him, Buttercup?” And she said, “Yeah!”

Buttercup has become the play-date queen. Anti-social me is struggling to adjust ;) It’s pleasant, in a way, to be finding all of these new mothers and fathers who are in the same boat as I am. We compare notes, discuss, and just hang out. It’s the chaos of being parents, employees, wives and husbands, friends, daughters and sons, etc that we talk about: roles, how many roles we all have.

There’s so much to do lately, my entire world revolves around just keeping my head above the water line. Between darling Buttercup, beloved Daddy, the housework, the tenant, and freelance work, I’m having trouble meeting all the glorious expectations I have. The thing I have to keep in mind is that all my worries and duties are blessings, opportunities that cannot be seen as anything but gifts.

My mother has always said that no one sets higher expectations for me than I do. It’s a good thing to keep in mind, remembering that I can only do so much, and the rest has to be okay or not. All the same, if I do my best, strive my hardest, I’ve done enough. I have to find a place for myself in the mix.