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One of the challenging parts about making decisions for your child is the comparison to other methods used by other mothers or fathers.  The problem primarily occurs because most parents, I think, put very deep and considerate thought into how they raise their children.  There aren’t a whole lot of snap decisions, at least in the parenting world I’ve encountered.  Deliberate time-consuming reflection goes into every resolution.

I’m not someone who believes there is just one correct way to raise, discipline, teach, feed or nurture a child.  In fact, I can see where a lot of families are coming from in most of their methods.  Unless you’re hanging the kid out the window by their toes, it’s none of my business, is how I feel about it.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be the case with a lot of other parents.  Open-mindedness is something people save for their public politics, if that.

Recently, someone said to me, “If you’d spank her and put her in a time-out, she wouldn’t do that anymore.”  Now, the comment was regarding nose picking.  The child has had a runny nose.  It’s not like she was doing something to another child or harming anyone.  We don’t spank la Buttercup.  It’s just not something we’ve needed to do with her.  However, when I told the person in question that we don’t spank her because we feel she’s too young, I got a look that could kill.  You see, rather than accepting my decision for my child, the mother took my choice as a direct opposition to hers.  Honestly, I was almost amused, but what could I say?  “My child doesn’t need it, but I can see where ___ would need spanking?”  I even deliberately gave her a route out of comparison between us because her child is older than mine.  This route was a ruse, as I would never spank Buttercup:  it’s not how I discipline her.  I don’t think spanking is the devil; it’s just not for her or me.

To take it one step further, the mother in question is not a close friend or a member of my family.  To me, unless you’re one of the two, how to discipline my child is not a topic of discussion I really care to pursue.  Not just because I consider it private, but it leads to hard feelings between people.  It’s a very difficult to discuss and important conversation that is best left to dear friends and family.

It comes up so much, this little tug of war.  Here’s what I have to say about it:  Just because I’m raising my child differently from the way you raise yours doesn’t mean I think you are wrong nor does it make me wrong.  Can’t we spend our time supporting each other rather than battling one another?  After all, we’re on the same side:  most of us just want to raise a happy and healthy child in the best environment we can provide.

Personal as these choices are, I can only expect so much from another parent who disagrees with a certain train of thought.  There’s little room for the idea that there are difference between children’s personalities and inclinations that dispose them to certain methods or techniques.  It’s not that I think a system is wrong - it just may not work for my child.  Nevertheless, it’s always strange how it has to be, “I’m right, you’re wrong, because if you’re right that would make me wrong.”  I know we can’t all be right, but I think it’s deeply important to show parents of children support rather than disparagement.

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