ToddlerTrail.com

I just read an article on BabyCenter with the topic of what’s the most offensive thing said to you as a parent?  The article was fun enough and centered on the common stay-at-home mom remark, “What do you do all day?”  As amusing as the question is having lived in the moment questioned, it is deeply offensive and addresses the stigma against SAHM’s.

The part that truly interested me was the comments by users answering the most offensive question.  It ranges so much – because, it’s not like SAHM’s are the only people with a reply.  It’s everyone.

Working mothers are targeted with the, “How can you let someone else raise your child?”  Stay-at-home fathers are hit with the gender degrading remarks I won’t even repeat about being bread-winners and filling traditionally female roles.  We’re all fair game.

While it looks like the majority of the painful remarks seem to play on the mother or father’s sense of guilt, some things are just plainly cruel and don’t even attempt to hide the jab.

“How do you feel knowing that someone else is playing Mommy to your child?”
This was said to me the first day I came back to work after maternity leave when my nerves were already shot, one hand was itching to grab the car keys and bolt over to the day care, and my other hand was very tempted to knock the living snot off of her smug face. That was the only time I’ve ever come close to hitting anyone.

Why would anyone say something like that to a mother struggling with leaving her child for the first time?  I’ve dealt with my fair share of lunacy but come on.  I still firmly believe that the vast majority of parents make decisions to benefit their families.  Call it naive, call it what you will - I still believe it.  “We judge other people by their actions.  We judge ourselves by our intentions.”

I’m an OB/GYN and I had just finished my residency when my son was born. I felt the best thing for all of us would be for me to take some time off to stay at home with him. A “friend” of ours who runs her own business, flies an airplane for fun, and parties all the time, (unmarried with no kids) told me flat out that she had lost all respect for me because I was “wasting my life.” We were at a lunch with a bunch of other girlfriends (I was the only married one there)and she said, “Thank God no one else has turned into a boring housewife with nothing to talk about except the price of eggs.” I was hurt and angry, but even then I didnt feel I should have to defend my choices to someone who obviously wasnt a real friend. Needless to say, I stopped hanging out with her after that. Incidentally, those other girlfriends are married and moms now, so when we all get together, we have a great time discussing the price of eggs :)

That’s actually touching on a nerve.  Finally, when the long physically exhausting months of pregnancy are over, you have a baby, you lose so many friends.  I lost a huge circle of people, partly on purpose, I admit, to the isolated nunnery of a nursery. Motherhood changes things, after all.  All the same, it didn’t change my intelligence.  It may have changed everything else, but I still am a relatively functioning person – not a price of eggs discussing kind of gal, unless it is the topic at hand.  Much like the weather or whatever else is being conversed about: I’m kind of open to discussion.

Thank God I’ve been blessed with employers who had the breadth of mind to allow me to work at home.  I’ve been able to avoid the whole issue with a smartly arched eyebrow and reply of, “I work from home as a copywriter.”  It’s honestly one of the reasons I’ve worked so hard to be the best I can be – maybe better than I was before my daughter, to prove I can be a SAHM and a working mother all in one glorious chaotic bundle.  I don’t want to be vulnerable to attack.  Still, all the same, why should this even be an issue?  We all want to live our own lives.  Our children should be raised in the unique environment that is our personal culture.  Diversity has always been a battlefield, and I think it always will be.

While we were on vacation, my mother-in-law gave Buttercup a Corelle doll.  It’s Lila, the interactive model.  She cries, laughs, coos, and makes sucking sounds.  It’s absolutely charming.

Buttercup has never had a baby doll that makes the sounds the way this one does.  She has become an absolute little mother.  If Lila is lying on her stomach, she cries and cries.  (The sounds aren’t loud or jarring – all the same, thank God for the off-switch in the back of the doll!)  Buttercup picks her up and pats her gently to soothe her.  I think the pacifier she came with quiets her down, too.  If I were expecting another baby, I’d say that Lila is a great way to introduce the idea of a newborn’s habits to a sibling.

We already have a bunch of the Corelle doll accessories – the playpen, the stroller, the bottle and feeding sets.  It was a dream come true for her to actually get Lila.  I had bought the Corelle accessories for her other dolls, and now Lila feels right at home here :)  I almost feel guilty about the other dolls being neglected!

My mother in law has had the doll for some time, and she’s been making the most exquisite dresses for Lila by hand.  They’re beautiful – with lace edges and all kinds of beautiful seaming.  So, when she presented Buttercup with Lila – there was a full set of clothes ready for Buttercup’s eager little hands to explore and tug onto the doll.  I really think it’s a great doll baby for her to get used to the idea that babies cry, they need to be fed, and their diapers need to be changed.  Already, we’ve changed the doll’s clothes more times than I can count.

The Corelle product information says the dolls and the clothes she came with are machine washable, and I’m hoping we can keep Lila for a very long time.  The doll has a soft scent too.  She actually smells like a baby.  Apparently, Lila won the Oppenheim Best Toy Platinum Seal, and the Corelle dolls are generally parent pleasers.  She keeps Buttercup busy, and what else can you ask for in a doll baby?

We finally got Buttercup a pair of rain boots.  I have firmly decided that rain boots are the most wonderful product for children.

We bought them while we were on vacation.  We went to a Disney store, and she was having a blast – fascinated by all the adorable products.  They had two pairs of rain boots on sale – Daisy Duck or Tigger & Pooh.  Rather than pick from the boots on sale, she spotted a pink pair of Minnie Mouse boots.  Those were the ones we ended up getting, and she loves them.

While we were on vacation, it rained quite a bit, and she was thrilled to be stomping away in the puddles – reveling in the splash factor.  Now, everywhere we go, she has her eyes open for puddles.  I might just let her wear the rain boots for the rest of April everywhere we go.  It’s been raining almost every other day, and the puddles can be found anywhere.  The parking lots seem to have the most, and there’s a church parking lot down the street from us that’s always empty.  She’s been soaked and muddy every night, just the way an April toddler should be.  I swear, the muddier and dirtier she is at bedtime these days, the better I feel about my parenting.  The great outdoors are back in play, and I cannot say I’m sorry to see January – March go.

I find myself wishing I had a pair of rain boots to stomp with her :)  Maybe I’ll find a pair in mommy-size so I can be a puddle-stomping mommy with my little gal.