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Last night, before bed, Buttercup was singing to me.  Her little voice is so soft and sweet.  They do a variety of songs in her Play and Learn class, and she was singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

“Row, row, row my boat
gently down my street.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is sleep.”

The fact that she replaced “dream” with “sleep” knocked my socks off, I’m amused and delighted :)

I’m sure I’ve gained ten pounds, and I don’t care:  it was worth it :)  It was a really nice holiday, except for that Buttercup has been fiercely sick.  It’s the first time she’s had a stuffy nose, and she didn’t sleep well for almost four nights.  It was a rough little jag.  I’m kind of sad she didn’t get to eat as much as she usually does, because she just wasn’t feeling up to it. 

In fact, I probably should have kept her home, but I thought she was well enough to do the trip to Daddy’s aunt and uncle’s house.  Well, it didn’t go so smoothly.  They were absolutely wonderful about it - but she was sick, grumpy, and loud ;)

We spent the night in a hotel with Daddy’s parents, brother, and uncle.  It was a wonderful evening with them.  Daddy and his brother tore through the parking lot riding the luggage cart, and then they raced rolling chairs in the hotel hallways.  It was beautiful and wonderful.  I love watching them be boys together.

Afterwards, we went back to my mother’s house.  She’s been sick with a pinched nerve, but everyone pitched in:  my mother directed the cooking and surprisingly, it came out almost as well as when she makes it herself.  We hit leftovers there, and my brother’s enormous pack of early 20-something friends came over and ate them out of house and home.  We ended up spending the night there, and I listened to my brother play his guitar, and we sang a few songs together:  it was a musical, as it always seems to be lately.

Now that we’re home, I’m trying to convince myself to detox for a few days with water and grapefruit ;)  I don’t think it’s going to happen.  Buttercup’s doing better, but she’s still sick.  If she’s not better by Monday, the nurse said to bring her into the office.  We’ll see how it goes…

Daddy and I are being faced with a series of life-changing decisions, as of late.  There’s a lot on our respective plates, and I’m struggling with what we’ll do.

One of the main things on the table is that we’re pondering what to do with our house.  There’s a lot of options available to us, and I’m trying to see clearly what exactly the thing to do is - it’s good to have choices, but sometimes they can be overwhelming.

Unlike apparently the majority of the population, we bought a house we could afford.  I’m very proud of our home, but really, it wasn’t where I planned on raising my baby.  However, now that we’ve worked so damn hard on it:  the real estate market is crashing around us.  We’re fine financially, because we made a series of very calculated decisions on how to make our lifestyle work.  Still, we’re sorting our next move out, very carefully.

One of the things I love most about this house is the views.  It’s high on a hill above the downtown district, and the views once the leaves have fallen - I love them.  The nursery really has the best one - you can see the whole city, and I love this city.  It’s historic and brick, rich and textured:  durable stone and tall chimneys.  There’s just nothing industrial about it.

When we first bought the house, and I was walking through it, I found all these tiny pieces of treasures left behind:  beads, a silver ring, a little mirror.  I’ve kept them.  This house has been so good to us.  Maybe in economic times like this, we should just stand our ground and wait for the dust to clear.  I’m not sure.  “May you live in interesting times.”  Well, here we are.

Since we were stuck in the house yesterday, we decorated the Christmas tree.  Early, I know.  However, I mentioned it to Daddy, and he immediately was climbing up in the attic to drag the tree and boxes down.  He kills me:  he loves the holidays as much as I do.

So, Buttercup did rather well with all those incredibly delicate ornaments.  I sat there with my teeth clenched while she passed them to Daddy, but she handled them so carefully.  I didn’t want to take any fun away from her, and she did great.  Still, they’re all hanging out of reach on the upper half of the tree:  just in case the temptation is too much for her!

Buttercup was sick this weekend.  Her poor little nose, last night she was so stuffed up I could hardly stand it.  She woke up promptly one hour after she’d been asleep crying.  The night kind of went like that.

I’m hoping this is going to end shortly.  Maybe we’re just all getting it out of our system now, so we can be ready to eat over the holiday weekend.  We’re going to congregate with Daddy of the Year’s side of the family on the big day.  Then, we’re going to my mother’s for a couple nights.  I can’t wait.  I’m going to get to eat like a queen on Thanksgiving Day, and then I get to go hit leftovers at my mother’s house.  Woohoo!

I’ve never liked puzzles.  As a child, I remember looking at a large jigsaw puzzle and thinking, “Why would you spend all that time putting something together only to take it apart?”  Well, things haven’t changed much for me.  Personally, puzzles are not something I enjoy doing as a hobby.

It’s in my nature to be a touch anal-retentive about things.  I think it comes from my father.  Anyway, nothing bothers me quite the same way as puzzles with missing pieces.  Well, apparently, the same goes for Buttercup.  If one of her 483290483209432890 puzzles is missing a piece, all hell breaks out.  It’s remarkable.

She adores puzzles.  And even though I dislike doing puzzles as a personal pastime, I love doing them with her.  She does so well with them.  I can break out 10 puzzles, lay them on the floor of the nursery, and she’s busy baby for a solid 30 minutes.  She’s really moving onto jigsaw puzzles, not just the simpler puzzles.  Her daddy does great at helping her with these, too.  I think he enjoys doing puzzles simply for the thought process of making it all work.  She’s getting a ton of Melissa and Doug Puzzles for Christmas, which I hope helps feed her passion for puzzles.  Maybe I’ll be able to ditch the puzzles with missing pieces on the sly :)

Buttercup is what you’d call an active toddler.  Maybe a spirited toddler.  She’s a wide open baby, and there’s no slowing her down.

When she wakes up at the crack of dawn, she’s ready to rumble.  There’s no cuddling her in my bed for half an hour to get an extra snooze in.  Oh, no:  she’s raring to go.  The hardest thing lately has been that she wants Daddy to wake up with her.  She’s insistent that he comes and plays with her in her room.  I can dig it, but he needs sleep.  He doesn’t function well without his solid night’s sleep.

She’s very hard to wear out.  One afternoon, at the park, she was running from play castle to play castle:  she was really moving.  I was chasing her back and forth, over and over again.  Laughing all the way, she kept looking over her shoulder and giggling at me.  She loves to play chase.  Anyway, another older gentleman who was there with his grandson struck up a conversation with me.  It was terribly sweet, and I seem to have more old men in my life than I know what to do with.
“She’s keeping you busy!”  He was all smiles.
“Oh yeah, she keeps me on my toes.”  I ran off chasing Buttercup across the playground again, but we returned shortly to complete her circuit.
“This one keeps me busy, too!”  He pointed to his grandson, who was climbing the monkey bars like a miniature athlete.  After careful study, it appears to be that all children are Olympians.  He went on to say, “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.  It means they’re healthy and happy.”

It really is true.  The other week we met a mom who had a baby that had severe birth defects, and the mother was handling it beautifully well, but still:  I can’t imagine.  While Buttercup is enormously exhausting at times, she’s a healthy, happy, beautiful child.  The things that exhaust me are precious blessings.

Today, I babysat for the first time since high school.  Buttercup’s best buddy came over while his mom went to the dentist.  It went remarkably well.  I’ve been slightly keyed up about this one since she asked.  Watching someone else’s little one has never been something I really enjoyed doing, even as a teenage girl.  However, I know this little boy rather well, and I adore his mother.

I had geared up Buttercup for the event by explaining that we had to take care of Cutie Pie today, because his mommy was going to the doctor.  I told her he might get a little upset, but we had to make sure to share with him and give him lots of hugs.  Well, it worked.

About ten minutes into it, Cutie Pie got the dreaded, “Where’s my mommy look?”  I picked him up and carried him around the house.  I gave him the tour of the house, even though he’s been here lots, and I showed him all the familiar objects.
“Look, buddy, it’s the stove!  Do you have a stove in your house?”
“Yeah!”  He nodded his head emphatically, so I went with it.
“Here’s the sink.  Do you have a sink in your house?”  And we went like that.  I showed him the couch, the windows, the desk, the beds, the dressers, the drawers, and on and on.  I kept asking him if he had these things in his house.  It just worked.  I told him his mommy would be right back, and it all fell into place.  It turned into a really nice afternoon.  He ate all of his lunch, we fed the fish, fed the dog, did coloring pages, he took pictures with my camera, and he pushed the toy baby stroller all around the house.  Later, we went out into the backyard, and I discovered, much to my surprise:  Yes, one woman can get two toddlers down a flight of stairs safely.  Thank you, Jesus.

Buttercup, for her part, was so very good about it all.  She kept explaining to him, “Mommy at doctor.”  She was calm about this and held his hand, leading him from room to room.  Towards the end, I think she got a touch peeved, because when I told Cutie Pie he was being such a big boy, she frowned and said, “I a big girl, too!”  Oh, little angel, what a big girl she is.

This means some good things, too.  His mom has offered on multiple occasions to watch Buttercup so I can work, go out on a hot date with Daddy, or whatever.  Since we don’t have a baby-sitter, this might be the beginning of a beautiful trade-off between mothers.  I’m stoked.

We had our first snow this morning.  We all got up around 5:30 this morning, and Buttercup was wide open from the get.  Later, when I opened the curtains in the nursery and looked outside, SNOW!  Oh, my goodness:  the leaves haven’t even all fallen.  The snow was very light, really barely a dusting on the ground.  That didn’t really matter.  Buttercup was ready for sledding!

We all got dressed as quickly as possibly and went downstairs to a very cold morning.  I only let her stay outside for a little bit, but I could hardly stand to bring her upstairs.  She made me drag her around the yard on the sled Pop-pop brought over for her.  Sometimes, I love life so much, and it’s so very rarely at 6:30 in the morning :)  It’s going to be a good day.

The toddler music class we’re investigating for after the holidays is looking more and more appealing.  They’re a nation wide thing, and I’m hoping that once we have the tour, I’ll be pleased.  She has such a musical lineage; it’s important to me to start her early.  They teach classes for all ages, so the class could grow with her as she gets older.

Her daddy plays the guitar and piano in ways that make me weepy.  The first time my mother heard him play the piano, she decided he was okay to marry ;)  His guitar is beautiful and bittersweet:  it always makes me think of places, as if they describe landscapes.  I’m very proud of him, how musically talented he is.  His brother plays the guitar and bass, too.

My mother plays piano, the cello, and a little guitar, and my brother plays the piano and guitar.  I used to play the cello, but it’s been broken for so long, I don’t know how I would do, anymore.  I can play Ode to Joy on the piano, which is somehow in my mind all I needed to know:  a gal should know how to play one song on the piano, in case 17th century British people come to call :)

In regards to Buttercup, she picks up songs so very quickly.  She knows all the childhood classics, and she’s ready to perform.  When the family was here, I put on some of her favorite songs, and she danced and danced, singing as she went.  When she’s a little older, I want to practice a big performance to do during the holidays.  I have a Sound of Music scene in my head about it :) 

I realized, when my brother was here, he played Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star on the piano, and next birthday party:  I’m getting all my musicians together to perform for the little ones!  I’m very excited about this, and if I have to drag everyone into it kicking and screaming, we are going to have a concert for the babies!

The family came to town today, and it was the usual pleasant madness.  My sweet grandma talked to Santa Claus on the internet and ordered a American Girl doll for Buttercup.  Oh, so sweet, my little gal loves her baby dolls.

By brother and nephew came with them this time, and they are my most devoted pair of knights.  I’m older than the two of them, and I suppose I’m the bossy big sister.  It amazing how our roles have switched.  While they were here, my little brother checked my tires to discover that they were low on air and proceeded to show me how to put air in my tires :) So cute.  He took out the trash for me, too.

They’re both so big and tall now, it surprises me every time.  I’ve 5′9 to give a little bit of perspective here ;)  My nephew just ranked in the 99th percentile for a Marines test of some acronym of which I cannot remember :)  He also scored the highest on the SAT’s in his class.  I’m so very proud of him.  My little brother, who now towers over me, is one of the most beautiful musicians I’ve ever come across.  He plays the guitar like a Spaniard and the piano like an Englishman.  I’ve always been blessed to be surrounded my musicians, I’m not sure why, but it’s one of my God-given gifts in life.

They both played with Buttercup so sweetly, and I actually got to sit down and rest for a few minutes.  It was lovely.  It reminds me so much of my own childhood with them, watching them play with her.  They truly are the best boys in the world.  Every once in a while, when I start feeling my little twinge of melancholy:  those boys show up and brighten up my life so much.  Family, what in God’s name would I do without them all?

Today, I had a root canal.  This was my first time with a root canal, and I can’t say it was fun.  It was three hours in the dentist’s chair, and it hurts a lot.  Compared to other dental experiences I’ve had though, it was a breeze.

Oddly enough, what I was worried about most was Buttercup.  She and Daddy had to drop me off, and I wasn’t sure how she’d deal with leaving me there.  Luckily, genius Daddy took her to the toy-store and bought her a special present for being a big girl about it.

They gave me pain meds, and I can take those at night before bed, but I certainly can’t take them during the day when I’m alone with Buttercup.  We’ll have to see how tomorrow goes, but I’m not anticipating a ton of fun being had by me.  Ugh.  At least it’s over now!

The other day, Buttercup was carrying around her measuring cups.  I thought she was pretending to cook, like she usually does.  Oh no, she was pretending they were hammers.  I turned to her, and I said, “What’s cooking, good looking?”  In her turn, she said, “No cook, fix!”  I asked her what she was fixing, and she started banging on the wall with a measuring cup.  She said, “Fix like Pop-Pop!”  Oh, dear God, my heart.  Does it ever stop?  That heart in the throat clenched feeling?

Anyway, she walked around the house fixing things with her faux hammer:  the walls, the couch, my desk, and on and on.  I asked her to fix the coffee table next.  Oh, no, she wasn’t having it.  You see, my dad had been here earlier in the week and repaired a leg on the table.  (It’s an antique, my grandmother’s - Buttercup had been using it a little roughly!)  “Pop-pop fixed,” she nodded firmly, assured that the job had already been handled.  I can never tell whether it’s that I love her more for loving the people I love or that it’s that I see the people I love more clearly because she loves them.  I’m sure it’s both.

Today, at the Veteran’s Day Parade, Buttercup was on the move, and I was struggling to keep up.  I made the mistake of bringing the stroller with us downtown.  Of course, she’s not used to being in a stroller.  It’s a point of pride for me:  I like her to be able to walk around the world on her own, get her exercise, and learn to hold hands.  She’s always done pretty well with it.  It was not so much fun dragging the stroller and trying to hang onto her on the crowded sidewalks.  In fact, it felt like an obstacle course.

There I was, hanging on for dear life to Buttercup with one hand and using my other hand trying to maneuver an ungainly stroller over curbs and through crowds behind me.  She wanted to hustle, right now.  She’s so used to walking and holding hands.  It was rough.  The problem was we arrived too early:  I am always early.  She was restless waiting for the show to begin.  There’s something to be said for being fashionably late when going to events with a toddler.

Finally, when the parade started up, she calmed right down.  Oh, how she waved and clapped.  She was thrilled.  The bands were a point of high interest, and she danced and danced.  When the cars rolled by with the veterans in uniform, she waved and clapped so sweetly.  I am thrilled to be living in moments like that, with her little face so bright and haloed.  I swear, I think I see her through some kind of rose-colored glasses.  It’s as if she has a little glow around the edges ;)

The biggest thing I love about being with Buttercup is the teaching.  Every day is a lesson on life, the world, and learning.  It’s my job to make it all exciting, interesting, and help her learn how to be a “big girl.”  It’s a challenging time of life, but I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

I think the most complicated factor with staying home with her has been making sure that she’s getting all of the social time she needs.  Or at least it was.  Thanks to the mother’s group crafts, field trips, and meetings, story-time at the library, a class she’s taking, and all the play dates we have been going on, I think she’s getting more than her fair share of social interaction. 

We might start her in a music class later in the winter, and there’s always ballet.  I love being able to do this huge variety of classes with her:  she’s always thrilled and showing off for me.  Everyday, it’s someplace different and new for her to raise baby hell.

She’s also thriving in her alone time, where she plays peacefully in her room during quiet time and before bedtime.  I’m proud of her for that, being able to chill out and do her own thing.  She’s never been super clingy with me.

We’re still looking for a preschool that we can afford and that we like.  It’s a difficult balance.  We’re on a variety of lists for the “good” places.  We’ll see how it goes.  For now, I’m just going to keep on with our routine.  She’s happy, and I’m happy.  What else could matter?

The park was so much fun today, in a completely wild kind of way.  We met up with some friends and much to my dismay; Buttercup immediately found a huge puddle at the top of a slide and sat down in it.  I was amazed.  She was pretty wet, and I was disappointed because we were looking to spend the afternoon there.  However, it was a warm fall day.  The sun was shining, leaves were falling, and there was a soft breeze.  I tried to get her to the car, and she insisted, “Mommy, stay here!”  Oh, boy.  So, I conferenced with the other mom about it, and she said, “If she’s happy, why not?”  I thought about it, and why not?  It was unseasonably warm, it’s not like it was cold.  So, she dried off quickly after a roll in a pile of leaves nearby, and she was totally content.  We had a gorgeous day at the park playing with friends:  no harm, no foul.

The reason the situation even came up is we cleaned out the car.  I usually keep a stash of clothes in there for whatever messy situation arises.  The clothes that had been in there were a touch too small and more summer oriented.  I had meant to replace them, but it slipped my mind.  Despite all that, we still had an amazing day.  This city, in the fall, is a heaven.  Rather than dragging la Buttercup out of there kicking and screaming, we played and enjoyed the afternoon.  It was well-worth it.

While were there, the children romping in the piles of leaves nearby just looked so beautiful.  It was a freaking Normal Rockwell painting, and I could have cried, really.  One little boy lost his shoe in the pile of leaves, and there was a brief excavation to find it.  The beautiful chaos of children always leads to so much fun.  Searching for that shoe became a treasure hunt for the kids.  I watched them, and it just made me so content.  Life is good.

After that, we went to the duck pond to feed the ducks, and I had a two-dollar roll of nickels that Daddy had picked up at a bank to feed the machine to pay for the duck food.  Well, those ducks ate like kings and queens.  Buttercup had a blast, and so did the little ones we were with.  I think the mom and I might be kindred spirits.  The family lives nearby, so I’m excited to have a mommy-friend just a short walk away.

Buttercup, for the first time, has been getting scared at night.  It’s the most heart-rending thing I’ve ever come across, that child in her pajamas saying, “Mommy, I’m scared.”  I think it’s the sirens at night.  Whenever she hears a fire truck or cop car, it upsets her a lot even though we’ve had conversations about this and tried to make it a happy thing.  Let’s face it:  sirens sound scary.

She’s never had a “lovey.”  It’s just never been her thing.  I think I’m the lovey.  However, we took the advice of a friend and went and purchased Twilight Turtle.  He’s basically a nightlight with a soft huggable body and a shell with star cut-outs that cast constellations around the nursery.  She’s totally in control of it and can push various buttons to change the color of the light.  The shades are soothing and mellow.  She appears to be enthralled so far, and we’ve had talks about if she gets scared, she can turn on Twilight Turtle.

What really led me to looking for something like this is that my little electrical estimator’s granddaughter loves light switches.  In fact, one of the things that helps her at night is climbing up onto the chair I’ve placed under the light switch to turn off the light.  She likes to be in control of the lighting, and I can dig it.  So, now she has a little night light that she can operate.  Here’s hoping!

Here’s the problem with toddler shoes:  they fit for like two weeks.  My Buttercup is growing like a weed.  It seems like every month I have to buy her new shoes.  In fact, I do.

The other day, we went to a local department store to get her new shoes, and I nearly had a stroke.  When did toddler shoes start costing more than mine?  I mean, good God.  Children’s shoes cost so much money; it’s amazing.  Because, it’s not like they need one new pair:  oh no, no.  My little girl needs a whole new collection of shoes.  Whether it’s dress shoes, sneakers, boots, slippers, or whatever, when Buttercup needs shoes, it’s not just a pair:  it’s an arsenal of new shoes.

What really drove me nuts was that I could not find a pair of little girl shoes that were lace-ups or Velcro.  What I mean by that is that there wasn’t a pair that fully covered her foot.  They were all “Mary-Jane” style shoes with a cute little strap across her foot.  Welp, it’s getting to be freezing cold around here, and I want a little more than that.  We found a set of “Thomas the Train” shoes that I’m sure were designed for little boys, but there weren’t any available in her size.  So, I ended up with a pair of Disney Princess Sneakers that are entirely ridiculous except she can get them on and off without assistance.  That does come in handy, to be honest.  However, I just can’t believe how much they cost.  Don’t they entail like 85% less material than my shoes?  My baby fashionista, I wouldn’t have anything less, but dear God….give me a break!

I’m constantly searching for ways to keep Buttercup’s mind stimulated.  One of the things that does it for us is a handful of games she loves to play.  The first of which is hide and go seek.  For a toddler, I think hide and go seek is a favorite game because it teaches her about concepts like counting, taking turns, and patience.  It kills me, because I walk through the house saying, “Where’s Buttercup?  Is she under the couch?  Noooooo!”  All my antics are followed by hysterical little giggles and a loud “Nooooo!” from the hiding Buttercup.  I take my time, pretending to look all over the house for her.  When I finally find her, she’s so thrilled.  It breaks my heart.

Of course, we do all the usual toddler games including the card matching game.  She’s gotten really efficient at matching the cards into pairs of two.  She loves to do it over and over again.  In fact, I think it’s somewhere in her nature to put things together in pairs.  At one point, my parents gave her a pair of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck action figures.  Well, GOD HELP ME if they were separated.  Once, Mickey was lost and all hell broke loose around here.  I searched everywhere, I mean everywhere for Mickey:  under beds, couches, in drawers, underneath clothing (she likes to hide things under her clothes), everywhere.  She was shaking Donald Duck in my face saying, “MICKEY!  MICKEY!”  Oh, it was a small nightmare.  However, Daddy of the Year came home, and I told him, “If you don’t find Mickey Mouse….”  I won’t repeat what I said after that, but it was not child friendly.  However, like he knew from the beginning, he found Mickey stashed in the book-pocket of our rocking chair.   DADDY HERO!  As always, he comes through for me.

Here’s what has been “driving me bananas” lately, as she did with Mickey Mouse, Buttercup has taken to playing games with Mommy.  Hiding things is a top agenda.  In fact, this morning, she took my glasses from my bedside and stashed them under a table.  God help me if Daddy hadn’t been home.   Also, she’s taken all the “good manners” I’ve been trying to teach her to another level.  When I try to read her books at bedtime, she takes the books away from me and says, “My turn!”  Oh, dear God.  She’s so smart and clever in an impish little girl way.  I really don’t know how I’ll keep up with my genius girl.  She plays the toddler game much better than me.

I want to find Buttercup a pair of perfect rain boots.  When I was a kid, I think there must have been a story in the Ramona Quigley books about rain boots, but there’s something about rain boots that just make me think of childhood rainy days in this sweet nostalgic light.

So, I went on a search for them in some of our local stores.  Once there, I realized that buying a toddler a pair of rainboots entails a raincoat and an umbrella, too :)  They had some of the cutest damn boots I’ve ever seen in my life.  There was a pair of green rainboots designed like little frogs that nearly killed me.  However, they cost a small fortune, and I realized:  it’s November.  We’re going to need rain boots in spring, and she’s going to be two shoe sizes larger.  So, no rain boots for now, however…I will find them!