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While I avidly pursue situations to involve Buttercup in socially, I’m beginning to take a step back.  When the play dates and activities began to tally over three a day, it’s time to take it down a notch.  As my Dad says, you’ve got to pick and choose, you can’t do everything.

Independent play is very important for Buttercup.  While she sparkles in social settings, she also revels in her quiet imaginary play.  Lately, I’m more and more impressed with how capable of “pretend” she can be.  Whether it’s her dollhouse or her favorite set of Bitty Twins from American Girl, she is gifted at creating whole worlds out of thin air.  It’s one of the abilities of being a child I think I miss the most.

I was sitting in my bedroom listening to her play in the nursery, and she was just perfectly role playing the little family of bears she has.  There’s a mother, two babies, and a daddy bear.  Anyway, she was speaking for the baby girl bear, and she said, “Mommy, I miss you too much!”  I could have cried.  My dad always says that, “I love you too much!”  So, I’m assuming she picked it up from him.  The things she says always makes me stop and try to identify who she’s mimicking.  The other day, she said, “Come hither!”  I couldn’t believe it.  Then, I realized it’s something I say when I’m being playful.

I remember the first time I heard my voice on a tape recorder.  I was shocked.  Is that really what I sound like, I remember thinking.  Well, with Buttercup, it’s the same thing.  She’s a little tape recorder, playing me back to me.

We did pumpkin carving over the weekend, too.  La Buttercup had a blast with it.  I guess she hadn’t seen the inside of a pumpkin before, because when it was opened up she looked shocked and amazed at all the gooey fun.  Thankfully, we did it outside, and the mess was limited.

Once she saw the face Daddy carved into it, she was all smiles and laughter.  We haven’t even put a candle in that thing yet, and she’s thrilled.  She’s been putting bows on the stem and kissing its “forehead.”  I’m going to have to sneak that thing to the trash when she’s not looking, because it’s currently what I call a “buddy,” or an object or toy she likes a whole lot.

Snow White took us trick or treating over the weekend.  It was a magical morning.  The downtown district had opened their doors to the children in the community, and Buttercup was baby on a mission.  I have never seen her leave a toy store so obligingly as when I held out the promise of more candy at the next store down :)

It was actually pouring rain when we first arrived in downtown.  Only three of the mothers I knew were there, but we all were soaked in a wonderful adventuring kind of way.  There were traffic jams of strollers, and the movie theatre was passing out popcorn so popcorn was just everywhere.  Our two favorite local toy stores had their doors open, and it was so much fun to see all the little ones dressed up and playing together.

It’s events like this that remind me why I love being a mother, especially during the terrific twos.  We’re getting to do so many simply heart-warming things as a family.  After all is said and done, Buttercup’s in bed, and Daddy and I are sitting up talking, it’s just the best feeling in the world, knowing that your family is happy and content with the world.

Gladys, our cocker spaniel also known as Paws of Paint and Muddy Paws, is such a good girl.  She loves Buttercup and is forever by her side.  If Daddy takes Buttercup out while I work, Gladys paces the house like a crazed animal until Buttercup comes back.  She’s like Nana on Peter Pan except smaller :)

The poor dog has endured all kinds of innocent mishaps from Buttercup.  She can practically hang off the dog’s ears, and Gladys just lays back and lets her.  She’s a sweet gentle animal.

Recently, when my in-laws brought down their 120 pound black lab, Gladys was not into it.  She literally went nuts.  I couldn’t believe it.  She’s been around my parent’s dogs, which were smaller dogs, without a problem, not even a bark.  Markus, the Big Black Dog (Buttercup’s Clifford), is a pet therapy dog who’s been through all kinds of training and what not.  He’s a sweet, gentle, big animal that would not hurt a fly.  He just wagged his enormous tail like Gladys was a kitten.  She was not letting it go.  I realized the whole thing was that she did not want Markus between her and Buttercup, simply not having it.  While it was an absolute pain, and we had to keep them separated for the duration of the trip, I was proud of her in an odd way, because she’s serious about keeping Buttercup safe.  I guess to her, Markus looked like a real threat.  Our floppy heroine dog :)

Today, we went to a martial arts center where they have a play and learn session for little ones.  It’s run by a local family who are extremely well-known as good people.  Any case, the play and learn session rocked.  The teacher is one of the owners, and she delighted the kids.  They had tons of equipment and lots of fun breaks where she introduced story time, parachute fun, and sing-alongs.  Buttercup had a big time, although getting her to leave was very close to baby meltdown until the teacher gave each child a balloon.  It got us out the door! :)

Her husband, as we left, was giving a man a martial arts lesson of some variety.  Basically, I know absolutely nothing about martial arts.  This looked like some astonishingly fun stuff.  I want to learn karate!  (If that’s what they were doing, I’m not even sure.)  It involved lots of kicking, which looked so focused and tight.  I was impressed, and it may have been the first time I’ve seen that kind of thing in action.

Every man I’ve ever known has had some advice about self-defense for me.  My beloved husband has some words of wisdom on the topic:  “Kick them in the (what?) and step on their throat.”  I love my husband.  My father taught me how to get my arm out of someone’s grip by rotating it quickly, and he always made sure I had a crow-bar under my driver’s seat in case of bad things.  My uncle, who works for the DEA, says that when you’re obviously overpowered, you aim for the throat and shins, which are remarkably weak points.  Personally, there’s one thing I suggest without limitations for other women:  You wear shoes you can run in.  I do not wear shoes that I cannot run freely in, because there’s a lot of folks out there who are stronger than me.  But, as one of my girlfriends says, “They’ve gotta outrun me!”

So, although I sincerely doubt I will have the time or the courage to take such a class, I admired it a lot.  It’s always beautiful to see people who are in control of their physical beings.  I was impressed!

The Grandparent Show came to town today, and it was highly entertaining.  Pop-Pop took the air conditioners out of the windows, thank you Jesus, and it’s going to be a lot warmer around here.  Little Buttercup was right there.  I had to hold her back.  She kept insisting, “I help Pop-Pop!”  Oh, boy.  Well, Grandma came to the rescue and carried Buttercup around the room.  I helped Dad jack them out of them windows.  I love helping him, just like the Buttercup, and it brings me back to when I was a little gal.  He always found a way to let me help.

My grandma and mom are always a riot with her.  It’s hysterical how Buttercup has no reverence for people yet. Great-Grandma was trying to talk her into putting the straws back into the box, and Buttercup turned to her, called Great-Grandma by her first name, and said, “No, ____!”  I stepped in and said, “Say no thank you, sweetheart.”  Buttercup, because she is so good natured, immediately repeated me and gave one of her winning “I know I’m an imp, but I’m damned cute” smiles.  She has them, as my sister would say, “All wrapped up.”

Our fall projects have become my favorite ever.  From the simple leaf tracing to the pumpkin decorating, we’ve been having a great time.  We made pumpkin cookies the other day, and she loves putting sprinkles on them. 

My cooking has changed with the season, and it’s become a project for us to do together, too.  I’ve been making more soups and stews, because this time of year, I just look forward to that:  the cold evenings with a bowl of soup and a thick slice of bread and butter.  I like simple homemade foods like that the best.  Buttercup, who is an avid little chef in her makeshift pretend kitchen, loves to toss ingredients into the soups.  We wash our hands, I chop everything up, and she puts it in the crock-pot.  Everything I cook with her just tastes better :)  It always reminds me of watching my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother in the kitchen together.  How I miss my great-grandma’s bread rolls…

At the park, we’ve been finding so many of those fascinating bits of nature that fall to the earth.  The leaves are gorgeous.  The park has such a broad spectrum of trees that the shades and types of leaves are endless.  Those tiny acorns with their little hats that could be used as bowls for fairy food, the walnuts fallen, round and smelling lime and spiced:  like cloves but greener in scent.  Even the geese flying over are a show-stopping event, she hears them coming and looks up to find them flying in their formation.  It’s just such a strikingly beautiful time of year to be with a toddler.  It’s not too hot, not too cold, and the world is changing so quickly:  she’s stimulated and relaxed because she’s interested in it.  My little gal, how she keeps me inspired.

The pregnancy was easy, relatively, for me.  In the early months, I was nauseous all the time, but I can only remember throwing up twice.  Later, I had leg cramps at night, I’d wake up unable to move - they were like the most horrible “Charlie Horses” I’d ever had.

Work was easy, because I sat at a desk all day.  I did have to get up and move around a lot because of the leg cramps, and as I grew bigger and bigger, I started to feel squished after sitting so long, like my abdomen needed to stretch out.  Once I was able to feel her move, it was such a happy time.  There’s nothing like that feeling, it’s strange at first, but then it’s just so beautiful.

Daddy was on patrol, too.  He packed me lunch almost every day.  He became Doctor Daddy, which was a riot and wonderful.  He was truly serious about reading up on the pregnancy and first year.  My boss gave me the “What to Expect” books, and they helped us both a lot.

The thing I loved most about the pregnancy was the sleep.  I slept about 12 hours every night.  We ate dinner and went to bed.  That was that.  Daddy loved it too, we slept and slept.  It was really the best thing we could have done, seeing how we haven’t gotten a whole lot of sleep since Buttercup was born :)

One of the sweetest things he did during that time was he read to me before bed.  Really, he was reading to Buttercup.  He broke out “The Princess Bride” and began reading to me and my belly:  hence, the nickname Buttercup. 

My mom always said, “Don’t worry about the birth, when it’s time, you’ll be so ready to get that baby out, you won’t be afraid.”  She was right.  There was, of course, a certain amount of fear, but after being pregnant for what felt like forever, I was ready to rock.  I had to have a c-section, which I’m still disappointed about, but all the same:  at the end, I was just ready.

Some women like being pregnant, other women hate it.  I loved it right up to the end, and then the “I have to get this baby out RIGHT NOW!” urge kicked in, and it just worked.  My entire body from the emotional end to the physical conspired to make it work from beginning to the grand finale.

When I found out I was pregnant with Buttercup, it was such a heart in the throat moment.  It was one of the only times in my life I can remember crying and laughing at the same time, like those two emotions of total and complete fear and overwhelming happiness merged into one emotion that I can’t quite name.

It was a co-worker who pointed it out to me:  “Isn’t your period late?” I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to notice if she hadn’t said something.  It’s always odd, who’s the first to know you’re pregnant and how they know.

That night after I took the pregnancy test, Daddy and I drove out to the grocery store in the middle of a RAGING ice storm to get more tests.  The storm was blasting the world with ice in a vicious and incredible manner.  In retrospect, it was very dangerous to do.  Somehow, at the time, the storm didn’t seem important ;)  The roads were black and glittering, reflecting the traffic lights in bright primary colors.  I sat in the parking lot of the grocery store, crying like a hysterical woman holding onto those two emotions with both hands while Daddy went into the store to get the tests.  I finally calmed down, and I saw him running, on the ice, towards the car.  He slipped a couple times, but he didn’t fall.  When he got in the car, he gave me a red rose :)  He said some things then that I won’t even write down because they’re too sacred to me.  I remember that rose, I focused on it.  I used to work as a florist, and I remember absentmindedly peeling away the bruised protective petals and picking off the thorns until I had this perfect red rose.  I still have it, that rose, framed.

By the time we got home, it was so icy I slipped on the sidewalk, and he grabbed by elbow and held me up.  I remember we looked at each other, and it was odd, because he wasn’t just protecting me anymore, like he always does.  He was protecting pregnant me, and hence little Buttercup.

Once we were inside, I really didn’t need to take anymore tests because I was certain.  I took them all the same, and one after another they came back positive.  Neither of us slept too much that night, and I remember Daddy waking me up from a doze to say, “Beautiful, we’re going to have a baby.”  He’s been such a man through it all, the pregnancy and these first two years.  I’m very proud of him…

The duck pond at our local park is truly beautiful.  Buttercup, since she was a wee little one, has loved the park.  Whenever we get there or drive past the pond, she starts waving her little arms around yelling at the top of her lungs, “UCKS!  DUCKS! WACK WACK!”  It’s a riot, really.

So, we stroll around the pond, which is safely fenced in, and spend our nickels on duck food.  She loves to do that, scooping up tiny handfuls and chucking them at the ducks.  She laughs when they dip their heads under the water to catch falling tidbits.  It’s sweet to the point of being one of the happiest times of my life.  My heaven could be a duck pond with me and my family strolling around it, happily feeding the ducks :)

Story time at the library was a blast.  Buttercup was right out there shaking it up.  It actually looked like a good thing in a lot of ways.  However, if I’d known they did exercises at this thing I’d have worn more appropriate clothing.  What a riot I must have looked like…The library has a whole floor devoted to children’s books, play, and activities.  It’s the perfect atmostphere for Buttercup to make friends and play and those long winter months approaching.  Gotta gear up for cabin fever!

Today, we went to the mother’s club meeting.  It went really well except I didn’t really get to sit in on the meeting continuously.  You see, usually the set up is that the kids stay in the big play area with a couple of the moms while the rest of us go into the meeting.  Well, you know.  Buttercup, I could hear her through the door calling me.  I’ve never been able or wanted to let her “cry it out,” especially in social situations.  So, I went in there and sat with her instead for short periods.  We had a good time, although it was a little chaotic with all the kids reigning havoc.  On the bright side, I did get to participate in the meeting for about three 10 minute periods while she played.  I think this is the perfect way to ease her into being without me.  I’m really happy we found a gentle way to do this.  She’s very adaptive, and I know it’ll take a little time, but she’s such a confident little person - we’ll move through this phase pretty easily. 

It’s just awesome to be around other women who are going through it with me.  They understand for the most part, and lately, there are so few people in my immediate life who actually dig where I’m at.  It’s an enormous relief, and everyone there has such different methods with their children:  it helps to be in an environment where there isn’t just one “right way.”  Still little gossip, still pretty low-key:  here’s hoping it stays that way!

We broke out the sewing machine today.  It’s been a while since I’ve sewed anything, probably middle school.  It was nice.  Daddy of the year helped me set up the machine on my desk, and it’s still sitting there looking clunky.  You really need a space to sew:  if not a room, at least a dedicated table.

My mother-in-law made Buttercup a Snow White dress, and she looks so sweet in it:  that got the ball rolling.  For a long time now, I’ve wanted to make her a doll or a stuffed animal.  Well, today we made a teddy bear and a bean bag.  The bean bag was easy.  The teddy bear was a little rough for me.  I just cut out twin pieces of fabric and sewed them together for a quick project.  I sewed on button eyes and quickly stitched a red nose.  Well, I didn’t get to do a mouth, because once the eyes and nose were on, Buttercup was in a frenzy.  She had to have that bear right now.  So, we stuffed it with the fluff from one of her toys that had previously exploded, and I sewed the rest of it up.  That teddy bear may be the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen, but she loves it.  She kept saying, “Thank you, Mommy!”  Oh, my heart.

I’ve never really liked to sew.  I enjoy cross-stitching from time to time, over months finishing a project.  Sewing usually makes my neck, head, and eyes hurt, and this time it did, too.  But, I swear, the end result was so good with her running around squeezing that teddy bear lifelessly flat like I had given her something so special…maybe I’ll try it again and do better this time with a pattern.

We went to an antique fair with the in-laws this weekend.  It was a beautiful fall day, and it tasted so good and crisp and clear, like an apple cider drink warmed in the sun.  It was perfect.

I wandered through endless stands of vendors selling their various wares.  So much of it was incredibly delicate glassware.  I was impressed with the beautiful Buttercup who did not break anything ;)

I found a pair of brass decorative leaves from a historic American manufacturer I used to write copy about - they’ve since gone under marking the end of an era.  I have them on my desk now, and they’re just so lovely, so simple and golden.  I can’t quite express how happy I am that I found those pair of leaves in the midst of all the thousands of trinkets.  I got them for an incredibly low price, and I’m pleased.  I found them almost immediately, I think at the second stand.  I spent the rest of the afternoon searching for more, and I swear, I found the only gift from that manufacturer in the place.  The quality is all the things I ever wrote, the shimmering hallmarking a intricate combination of precious metals to achieve a luster of pure gold…beautiful.  I think I’ll cherish them forever.

The mother’s group had their fall festival.  It was wonderful.  My in-laws are here for Columbus Day Weekend, and it was just so nice to have them there with us.  Grandparents are the most blessed thing when you need another pair of hands to help.

Buttercup made an adorable pumpkin; there was food, sweet tea, good company, lots of children, and just general baby-havoc.  There’s a certain baby there that makes me want to have another child so much:  she’s just sweetness and adorable rolls of beauty.  It’s amazing sometimes, how these little ones impress me with their creativity and sense of order in the world.

I think I’m doing okay in the mother’s group.  It’s challenging at times to see what exactly all these women/mothers are doing in one place without scratching each other’s eyes out, but they’re doing okay.  I really like them still.  There’s no catty baloney, and I’m impressed.  Maybe children truly do raise us to a higher level.  Even if that’s not totally completely true, I’m still going to believe it.

On another note, I got locked in the house the fall festival was held at.  Oh my dear God, it was awful for a moment.  There was a child-proof doorknob cover on the door, and my weak hands couldn’t squeeze it hard enough to get the door to open.  Oh my God, thank goodness Daddy-of-the-Year and Grandpa-of-the-Year were on patrol; they saved me and let me out.  I am such a mess!

Pop-Pop came to visit for two nights.  The man was on a mission.  My dad built a new hatch for the basement, replaced the eaves underneath the gutters, and reorganized my pots and pans.  He is the most efficient human being I have ever met.

It always surprises me how quickly he can work.  Basically, he works alone.  He doesn’t like help :)  I wish I had more pictures of him working on this house.  He just does the most beautiful carpentry I have ever seen.

We sat out on the balcony at night chatting and talking about the world.  It’s strange how many terrible things are happening in the economy, the government, and the world at large.  It can be overwhelming at times for me, because I am a mother, and when I do have time to stop and think about the larger perspective outside of my small world - it overpowers me.  It’s my dad who has always made me feel so safe, and it was good to have him here to say, “Dad, what the you-know-what is going on out there?”  How wonderful it is to have him around.

I work at home, so whenever he comes over and stays, I am so appreciative of him running around operating large power tools during the days.  It lets the neighborhood know I’m not here alone 24-7.  He’s the best dad.  I adore him.

I just read a blog about one of my favorite mommy issues:  poop.  When Buttercup was a little one, I dreaded the diaper change in public issue.  In fact, I still do.  Recently, I was in the mall and Buttercup had a diaper incident that had to be fixed right now:  not in the car, not at home, right now or else there was going to be an explosion.

So, I went to change her diaper on one of those God-forsaken changing tables.  Oh, Buttercup HATES those changing tables.  She gets scared up there.  So, that was bad enough.  What made it worse is that this was before school was in session, and I had four or five hot-tot teenage girls watching me change her diaper with smirks.  Oh, what a nightmare.

The second big one lately was in another public restroom.  Read more fun and games about public restrooms adventures here:  A Scary Bathroom Encounter  So, we were in the bathroom at a large department store.  I was trying to get Buttercup to behave so I could wash my hands.  A woman came in and began going number two loudly ;)  Buttercup, being the honest proud to be able to identify the world child that she is, started screaming loudly, “Poop!  Poop, Mommy!”  Oh, my dear God.  I didn’t know what to do, because obviously the poor woman using the facilities had heard her.  I said really cheerfully and high-pitched, “Yes, baby.  We go poop-poop in the potty!  That’s right!”  Oh, my God, and then we jetted out of there as quick as we could.

There was another embarrassing moment recently.  We were in the drugstore picking up some female items, and Buttercup picked up a pack of adult diapers that were in the same aisle and took off through the store with it.  Oh, no.  There was an older woman, very respectable looking, who may have been waiting for us to get out of the aisle to do some personal shopping.  Now, me being me, I started chasing after Buttercup and the diapers.  I said, “No, baby, those are big girl diapers.”  The woman starting laughing, and I started laughing, and it was wonderful.  But, it’s just another example of how I’ve stopped caring how I sound and just try to explain the world to Buttercup.  It’s often messy, these social interactions with a toddler.  What’s made it so amazing though is that people often are understanding and amused.  We rarely get the cold shoulder when little Buttercup tosses a smile over her shoulder.  Maybe it’s the giggling toddler and the blushing mother, but people are kind.

All the percentiles and milestones for a two-year old are slightly overwhelming.  I keep updated with several books and a lot of email services.  There are so many different categories for these milestones including movement, fine motor skills, language and talking milestones, social development and on and on.  It can keep you jigged up, if you watch it too closely.

Surprisingly, the person who appears to be the most laid back about these toddler percentiles and milestones is our pediatrician.  We’ve been blessed to find a good pediatrician.  For the most part, he’s really supported us in all of our choices as parents.  I always use him as a checkpoint for the parent freak-out that’s always blazing across the news and internet.  He’s calm, knowledgeable, and actually open to hearing our concerns and not just spouting the party line.

So far, Buttercup has met all of her milestones without a problem.  We’re just always keeping a watch on it to keep ourselves informed.  It’s also a really good way to gauge what’s coming next for little Buttercup.  All the same, I try not to allow the raging panic people like to inspire in new mothers to distress me.  These toddler milestones are just the average percentiles, after all.  Unless there’s some gaping wide missing piece in the puzzle that is a little one, I tend to think it’ll all work out.  But, it’s always good to have a pediatrician to check it against.

The dollhouse continues to fascinate Buttercup.  It’s just the sweetest thing in the world to watch my little girl play with her “buddies” in that dollhouse.  She’s positively motherly with them.  She has a couple sets of the Calico Critters:  they’re basically families of animals.  Lovingly, she puts those little babies into the dollhouse beds, meticulously tucking the blanket around them.

It’s so sweet.  I’ve been eyeing up the dollhouse we bought for her since she was a wee baby.  It’s been on display in our favorite local toy store since I think I was pregnant.  I remember we went in to start buying toys for the nursery, and I saw it, and I thought about how much fun she would have with it when she was a “big girl.”  Well, the big girl days are here, and she’s such a competent little toddler, running and climbing and jumping through the world.  It just fascinates me how she reenacts the world through that dollhouse.  What kills me is when she role plays the little babies saying, “Mommy!  Mommy!  Please?”  Oh, goodness.  She knows the buttons to push, this one.

On the bright side of my broken glasses day, I took them off briefly in the backyard and looked around at the world through my hazy abstract vision.  It looked, as it always has, like a Monet.  It was a beautiful little moment, and I watched Buttercup in that light, that strange blurry quality, and she looked like a little angel dancing in the dappled sunlight and fall leaves with that blonde halo shining around her.  She is such a gift to me, such a precious gift.

My mother always says to people, “My children are my treasure.”  She’s always said it with such pride, her chin lifted high.  It’s true:  Buttercup is this brilliance in my life that I could not be without now.  I don’t know how I lived in a world without her, and in a way, I think that she’s created a new me, even if that does sound cliché.

I’m stronger for it.  I can fix things.  I can open jars that my ridiculously weak hands could never manage.  Because you can bet your sweet feet that if Buttercup wants jelly, I will get that jar open or else tantrum will ensue ;)  If she brings me something that’s broken, I fix it for her.  She’s made me enormously capable and much more confident.  Maybe I was never much good at taking care of myself, but I live to take care of her.

It’s been a rough day.  Daddy had to go up north for a meeting, so he had to leave at the crack of dawn.  To make it more entertaining, Buttercup was saying, “Daddy?  Daddy?”  She was walking around so achingly sweet in her pajamas, her big sleepy eyes wide and confused with her doll in her arms.

I think the biggest catastrophe of the day was that my glasses broke - one of the frames popped open and the screw fell out.  So, I’ve been wandering around the house half blind looking through a spare pair of three year old glasses.  I’m nauseous and headache ridden.

I’m blind as a bat without my glasses these days; I couldn’t drive Buttercup to her play date or anywhere else.  So, we were stuck in the house and backyard.  She’s not used to hanging out at home these days.  She’s social gal. “Let’s go, Mommy!”

So, she was grouchy.  We worked through it and did endless projects:  leaf tracing, painting, play dough, made cookies, sidewalk chalk, fabric dolls, coloring pages, and on and on.  It doesn’t matter though, because she’s baby on the move.  We’ve got places to go and people to see!

I attempted to take a walk downtown with her, and then I realized that I couldn’t see any further than about a foot away clearly.  We did circles around the block, but I didn’t want to even cross the street ;)  It was a mess, and I really had not realized quite how bad my vision has gotten until those glasses crapped out.  Daddy brought home a glasses repair kit - so, all is well.  Just a long day!